Oct. 14th, 2017
Greetings dear believers of light and love,
I wanted to share some recent realisations I have had with you. I am currently doing tapas, which is a yogic term for “niyat” or setting “intentions.” I decided upon the deliberate focus of observing my thoughts.
The first day posed a lot of challenges. But, I also saw it as an opportunity to have a more realistic perception of my reality. The truth that this process has helped me realise about my life is that I have been facing a lot of negative energy. However, prior to this practice I did not see it as negative. I usually took it for granted as standard social interaction; a sort of simple auto-pilot reaction to situations and circumstances.
The second day became much better. As I began identifying with these negative thought patterns I was able to see them for what they are. Then, I found that each time a thought arose I was able to either redeem it and convert it to something positive (before it could expand), or at least to be aware of its destructive nature upon manifestation. I also came to some realisations about my own inner psyche through these interactions with others. I learned that I must not reduce my own sense of peace for the sake of “helping” others. The best gift I can offer is be present but remain detached.
Now after 3 days of this practice, (combined with my daily dhikr), I have had some moments of real clarity. After listening to about a half hour of a spiritual talk about “Unwitting the Devil,” I found myself in a state of absolute awareness. Everything bother Ihsan has been talking about in the Law of Attraction training module and Awakenings Academy Group Calls suddenly all just fit together. It could not have been more clear or relevant to my life! I understood at that point who the devil is and what it’s trick is.
I discovered in that moment, a form of fear that I am not sure I ever felt before. It was not the fear of the devil; nor was it a fear of the wrath of God. It did not turn me fervently religious, or have me suddenly feel the need to take the Quran out and pray like a madman. Yet this fear was still terrifying. It was as real as my soul. It was a fear that came from understanding what has become of “us”– of humanity. It was the fear of what is to become of us if we don’t turn towards the light. Most importantly, it was the fear for the next generation. A deep fear to save the babies and children of the world. I cried and was overwhelmed with a deep desire to remove my children from this chaos.
I began to see my true responsibilities towards my children. Not just to provide them with shelter, clothes and food. But to instill them with a consciousness, a deep awareness of existence; one that an international school education or religious training will simply be unable to offer. I began to understand that this duty fell on me, and that I cannot do this so long as I myself have so far to travel in cultivating this path of light.
I understood how everything is interconnected, and I felt powerless. However, that very place of absolute vulnerability gave birth to an empowering thought in my mind. The thought of a new earth. The possibility of creating a reality where all is light. I now understood what brother Ihsan meant by refocusing on our own inner qibla; and how Allah much prefers to break the physical Kaaba, then that of another human heart. I “get it” now.
Each time we interact, we can leave a stain in another person’s heart. With our positive words we uplift them and pull them towards the light, whilst our negativity (judgement, reprimand, criticism) only pushes them towards the devil. Negativity just creates blockages and therefore veils the heart. How can a heart clogged up work properly? It can not!
Through this experience I realised the oneness of consciousness and how there is no “I,” but rather a vibrational mass of energy that we call “we.” I also knew that unless we come to a place of understanding interconnectedness and how we all are responsible for each other, unless we can leave this idea of selfishness and thinking only from a place of my own best interest, we cannot transcend and evolve.
Through my yoga practice I have become familiar with the ideas of the ‘etheric body’ and various energy points in the physical body; as well as how by working through them we can evolve our states into the original beings of light that we should be. The personal work I still need to do to reach a place of “knowing” and “being” has become more clear and apparent to me. Last night I fell asleep repeating “Ya noor,” whilst still experiencing that state of fear I described earlier.
This morning I woke up extremely emotional. Perhaps the divine light has graced me with a drop of that purity of vision as I feel so much love inside me. I feel my heart bursting with love for humanity. I don’t feel I need to do anything or to be anything. I don’t feel I need to change the world. I don’t feel anything other then a quiet, peaceful kind of love. The kind you feel towards your own child when you see them playing or trying to figure something out. You sit back and watch them navigate through it on their own, as you know that it’s alright. You know that they will figure it all out. Alas, your child does figure it out and you have that smile of contentment and peace inside you. I have that feeling inside me. It’s not really directed towards the world as I am not even thinking about others anymore. I just have that feeling of love and that it’s all going to be fine…
Alhamdullilah for this feeling! I am so grateful for this course. It is truly feeding my soul and directing me towards the light.